Seenstr - Hacking Human Nature

The great thing about this show is, this is the first reality show I’ve ever watched where you really don’t know who’s going to succeed.

How many of us thought this was going to be Kosmo?

So let’s talk about this episode.

The reward challenge this week was to pickup a “moving target”. This is incredibly hard. Remember that most of what you’ve seen is the process of picking up women who are, quite honestly, looking to be picked up. This was the first episode on dealing with picking up women who aren’t expecting it, and have something else to do with their time other than meeting men.

So it was not a surprise that none of the boys were able to close anyone.

Here are the key points to remember when approaching a moving target:

1. Never approach from the back. Subconsciously, this makes us feel vulnerable and open to attack. Always open from the front.
2. Never open a set that is moving towards you. She will never stop. Ever. No matter who you are.
3. Always talk over your shoulder, as if you could walk away at any time.
4. Don’t follow her line of motion, make her follow your line of motion.

Those are the rules. Still, none of that makes it automatic, or even easy. It’s not. Notice that, after the boys all failed, Mystery did not jump in and show them how it’s done.

But there are ways to make it easier. Notice that the guy who came the closest was Brady. Remember his opening? “Where are the bats?”

Apparently there is some sort of bat cave over there is Austin. Anyways, why this worked is that it is an opening that people will stop for.

If you ask “what time is it?”, she will look at her watch, tell you the time, and never stop moving. Don’t use opinion openers, either. They make no sense in the context of a moving target. Ask directions. Ask where something is, and she’ll stop. Half way through her telling you how to get there, interrupt her and ask her if she’s been there. And so on.

At some point, derail the conversation and start your routines. What point? Roughly the moment that she begins to forget why you stopped her in the first place. Maybe three situational threads later, jump into your usual stuff. Now, guess what? You’re not dealing with a moving target anymore. It’s just day game. Get her over to a bench and keep chatting her up.

I could have gotten all three of those guys to close on the bridge.

So no one won, and no one got Tara as a pivot. I’m glad, because for the field test, that would have been horribly unfair.

In class, Mystery mentioned the difficulty of picking up women at work. That’s funny, because I just finished the chapter on at-work pickup for my new ebook. He dropped the topic completely in favor of discussing picking up strippers at work, so I guess I’ll have to pick up the slack in a later post.

So let’s talk about stripper game.

Here’s the bad news about strippers:

1. They are paid to be into you, so you can’t trust any indicators of interest (IOIs).
2. Every night, a hundred guys want to go home with them. You are just another one of them.
3. The club most likely has rules preventing them from leaving with you or giving you their number.

Here’s the good news about strippers:

1. They have their own money, and aren’t impressed by yours (nor are they disgusted by your lack of money).
2. They are fun as hell.
3. They are on such a high and unstable pedestal when you meet them, that knocking them off of it is a piece of cake.
4. They will approach you.

Now pay attention to Kosmo’s game in this episode.  He pretty much nailed it (even though he didn’t close).  See how he was leaning back, looking around, dropping negs, but at the same time giving her respect.

The last thing a stripper wants to hear from you is how you pity her and wish she could do another job.  She doesn’t want to be asked “why do you do this?” or “do you like this?”, nor does she want to hear how douchey all the other guys in the club are.  She does want to be asked what else she does, because most strippers do something else besides stripping.  My recommendation is to ask that question with authority.  Mention that you dated strippers in the past, and you know they all have a side interest.  It’s usually “beauty school”, but let her tell you.

Whatever you do, do not get a lap dance,  and do not buy her a drink.  None of that stuff.  If she doesn’t get hooked without you throwing money at her, let her walk away.  The minute you pull out your wallet, you lower your value to her.

One final, and obvious tip: do not stare at her body.  Every other guy in there is there to see naked women.  You have to be the one guy who can see a naked woman whenever the hell you want, and you demonstrate that by not getting distracted by her nudity.

It looked like the club in last nights episode was actually a non-nude club.  So that last point was easy for them.  It’s brutally hard in any other club.

Ok, so the winner was: Brady.  Didn’t see that coming.

Notice that Brady initially fell into a bad trap.  He was basically insulting the girl.  Remember kids, a neg is not an insult.  A neg is a playful, backhanded compliment or a neutral, asexual comment meant to disqualify yourself as a potential suitor.  It is not an insult.  Brady was insulting that first girl.  He insulted the second girl as well, by asking where all the hotties were, but he recovered nicely by saying “only kidding”.  But that was a dangerous line to cross.  Pulling that kind of shit can get you thrown out of the club if you don’t play your cards right.

So let me just sum this up by telling you the number on tip on how to date a stripper: meet her outside the club.  Their defenses are just too damn high.  Its a brutal game.  She will spend the fist 80% of the process trying to separate you from your money, and the minute she does, you lost.  Outside of the club, she won’t be in stripper mode anymore, and will just be a normal woman.

That’s why the big key to picking her up in the club is to get her out of stripper mode as fast as possible.   Remember the girl who walked over to Brady and tried to sit on his lap?  He didn’t let her, and said “I’m not in that headspace right now.”  This subconsciously allows her to get out of that headspace as well.  The next step is to start talking about anything other than strippers and strip clubs.  Here’s where you go into your “what else do you have going on?” routine.  Get her to talk about her interests outside the club ASAP.

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Here’s a few videos for you to watch while I get it together here.

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Well since I made the quick post on state, I might as well lay out the number one tip to get over approach anxiety.

This tip works because approach anxiety is much bigger than we think it is. Most men are afraid to approach women, and they focus intensely on that fear, but in reality, they are anxious about approaching anyone. That’s key, because it means you can get over your anxiety about approaching women by getting over your anxiety about approach in general.

The number one way to get over approach anxiety is… ready for it? To approach.

But just think about what approaching is. It is going up to someone, an saying something. Anything. It doesn’t matter.

I’ve heard of people doing well by picking a busy street corner, standing there, and saying “hello” to everyone who walks by. FOR HOURS. They repeat this for several days, until they’ve said “hello” to a thousand people.

Like anything, after that many hellos, there won’t be anything scary about saying hello.

After that, step it up. Approach women on the street and ask them the time. When they tell you, say thank you and walk away. Repeat. The second or third time you do this, don’t wait for the woman to disappear over the horizon. Just go up to someone else and ask again. Will the last girl think you’re weird? YES. Will you care? I hope not. Why would you? You don’t know her. And you’ll get some good insights into people and how they respond to strangeness. Very likely, one or two of them will ask you why you just did that. Start a conversation with them. Tell them you are getting over approach anxiety.

Once, in Santa Monica, a guy came up to me and two girls I was walking with. This was on a busy thoroughfare (the 3rd St. Promenade, for those familiar with Santa Monica). He was dressed in nothing but a thong underwear, holding a sign that said something like “when I say hello to 10,000 people, I will give everything I own to Greenpeace”. Some condition of talking to X number of people, and he would do Y. It doesn’t matter what it was really. He went into a little pitch about whatever was on that sign to us, and engaged the girls. For a moment, they weren’t paying any attention to me, but were more curious about this guy and what he was doing.

Of course they thought he was a tool, but did he care?

When the girls broke off to go into a store, I approached the guy, and asked him what this was really about. He told me he had a terrible approach anxiety, and he decided to just go balls out and get over it finally. Going out at night, in his underwear, and approaching people with a bizarre pitch was his way of getting over it. The theory, he told me, was that if he can survive approaching people under these circumstances, he could survive anything.

He was right. I wish I could find him and see where he is now. He was in his 30s, and utterly fed up with approach anxiety.  What a badass he was, how cool is that?  To be so irked by that one flaw in you that you just throw up your hands, say “fuck it”, and get over it in the most dramatic way possible.  I love that shit.  I love that guy’s confidence.

Another thing to remember is that we all have approach anxiety.  Everyone, from the most insane PUA to the sorriest AFC.  I’ve had more experiences than I could possibly recount for you — hell, I wrote the book on threesomes — and yet I still feel sick inside when I approach a woman.  It’s natural.  But that doesn’t mean it should stop you.

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