Keep in mind that a lot of the techniques you’ll hear about should be assumed to be techniques of subtlety unless otherwise noted. I recently mentioned the required subtlety of peacocking — we want to stand out, not look like a clown. The same goes for the idea of not telegraphing interest.
A lot of newbies will get this basic advice from their friends: “girls like guys who aren’t interested in them, so don’t show a girl you’re interested in her and she’ll be yours!” Wrong. In actuality, the subtlety of this statement is that by not telegraphing interest, or even if you go so far as to act as if you are completely disinterested (bad idea, but go with it for a second), by doing so you are showing her that you are interested.
Ok, I know that is a little hard to follow. What it is really about is the forgotten art of flirting. When you push a girl away, you aren’t pushing her away, you are actually pulling her in. When you look away from her, you are actually trying to get her to look at you. It is important to detect that moment where you switch from playfully disinterested to determinedly interested, but it is also equally important to know how to walk the line in the first place.
Now the problem most guys have is that they hear “act disinterested” and the result is that they act so disinterested that the girl doesn’t have any idea at all that the guy is even noticing her. Contrary to the misguided notion of several wannabe PUAs, girls don’t swoon over guys that ignore them. They swoon over guys that indicate “eh, I might be interested, but hey, take it or leave it.”In fact, that’s the whole point of “the opener”. It’s about getting the conversation going without telegraphing interest. But you have to get the conversation going, brother! If you ignore her, you’re failing from the get-go.
It really is a hunt. If you want to play the game where she hunts you, you have to give her some indication that her hunt might be successful (of course, you know she’ll be successful, but you need to let her know that there is at least a chance). Think about it: would you go after something if you were getting every indication that your odds of acquiring it were exactly 0%?
Subtlety. It’s about letting her know you’re interested without letting her know you’re interested. Of course, how to do that is another subject entirely, and one I will write about in the future.
3 responses so far ↓
1 JoeDirt // Aug 14, 2007 at 8:31 pm
This is always the hardest part for me. It made sense when I heard this advice but i think i liked it so much because its really easy for me to ignore a girl, but clearly that isnt what i am supposed to be doing.
2 Vinny // Aug 17, 2007 at 12:59 pm
hmm I wish I had thought abut this like 8 years ago, when I was doing too much ignoring and not enough “displaying fleeting interest”
One of my current sticking points is that I tend to go all-or-nothing as far as displaying interest goes. Not too keen on subtleties yet =(
3 seenstr // Aug 17, 2007 at 1:50 pm
That’s a great way to put it, Vinny — “fleeting interest”. I like that.
And that’s exactly what it is, isn’t it? If the goal is to get HER to chase YOU, then fleeting interest is exactly what you want to display. I’ve heard the terms “active disinterest” and “tentative interest” as well. Same thing.
The interest is like bait. You don’t want to vomit your interest all over her shirt. In doing so, you offer her no challenge, and the best she can do is offer YOU a TON of challenge. Instead, you offer just a HINT that MAYBE you are interested, and even then your attention MAY go elsewhere if it isn’t maintained.
That will drive them wild every time.
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